Happy Nuts at Free Will

One of the craziest things I did was to go on a first date with somebody I was deeply attracted to, (Yes!) and then behave like a nut!

Ha Ha! Want to know how the date went?

Two nuts cracked, in fact! For me, it was just high...HIGH... He went crazy too! :) The surprise is, he still remembers, even till this day!

This was one of the most relaxed (or too relaxed indeed) and memorable dates I had. Correction, I should say it's the only one. I was fairly composed I would say for my other first dates; a bit of anxiety here and there, some long conversations... all under control. This one is different. I have no chance to think at all(!). Imagine the first time out together, no food, no talk, no pausing. We just laughed a lot, maybe the only night which I bent my back so many times due to extreme laughter. Two jokers we were, we carried our SLR cameras, and practically combed an entire district during the night. We took a lot of photographs, experimented with the SLRs (different lightings, different speed). The subjects were mainly buildings, or articles of everyday-living. We sneaked through dark lanes and even stole a broken ratten/wooden chair! Precious chair... It's like a treasure to both of us.

We dragged the chair to all the places with us, laid it at all sorts of funny angles on the streets, at carpark basement, in front of people's doors, brought it up onto the train with us. He brought it to his home and I just couldn't believe it. I didn't even remember if anyone was laughing at us. I only noticed curious stares. :)

Funny that we enjoyed our fun so much that most of our photos didn't turn out! None of mine did... I have never seen his. He admitted few of his turned out, and he's such a pro compared to the lazy me.

Want to share how your first date went?

Free Will

Feels so good to be free to be yucky. Yup! Free to be dirty, chaotic, unrestricted. It's equivalent to being given another life that has no consequences, no reason.

I ever thought of running away from home when I was a kid. I packed all my essentials in a little bag. Crossed my heart and prepared to just walk and walk without any clear direction, absolutely no worries about where I will end up to be. All that I was concerned about was having some big fool who will kidnap me and take away all my freedom. That, will corner me.

Now that I am older, I desire for a job that does not bound me. I work half a year and be on the loose for another half a year. The other option would be not to work. Spend all my money travelling on foot. Be a poor but rich person. Rich in my heart, rich in my experience, rich in my contact with the whole world.




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Light

Today, I received an email from a friend whom I thought wouldn’t be writing till God knows when. It’s a good start to my day. I am really touched by the gesture. After replying to the email, I was actually crying…

Floored

It's going to be one heavy dose today... (Am ill, having a bit of fever plus sore throat. Not intending to go home because I have a night's out with my ex-roommate later. Don't want to miss catching up with her!)

I have been tackling with the issue of hatred lately (for months to be exact). Most of the time, I will throw it out of my thoughts and try my best not to think about it. Somehow, it always creeps up to me and floors me at my wit's end.

I have no idea how to get myself out from this negative whirlpool.

A little background: this negative emotion is targetted at two persons. One of whom I am still in contact with. We won't be talking about this person on this post. The other one, though ironically not within my line of sight nor hearing, is the one that bothers me the most. In other words, I am getting myself all frustrated due to no fault of this person (at least not at this moment since this person has been physically omitted from my life) ... She is alive, by the way. She is physically out, but not emotionally out, since I am still hurt by what she has done.

Maybe one of the reasons why I am still traumatised by this person, is I did not do anything to her at all (I didn't even know she exists), to justify all the bad things she has done to me.

I am generally a forgetful person. Usually my feelings will be high during the incident, but once it's over, I will soon forget it. Nothing much to deal with, strictly speaking. I have never hated anybody in my life. I can dislike someone, but never hate before.

Yet, anything remotely connected to this person is enough to get me all worked up, upset, hurt all over once more. Mentally I have a picture of this person all sliced up and shredded into pieces, before crumbling to the ground and disappearing from the entire earth. Currently whenever I overhear any news on suicide, murder cases, I wish from the bottom of my heart, this person is that very person.

This is horrible. I don't want to turn into a monster. It seems that I have no choice but to confront this problem. Else it's destroying my life.

Minimum Standard

It happened to be a festive day when most people are on leave and nobody's working (at least not in that particular section). I was in a shopping mall.

Untimely it was, I needed the loo.

Happy to have found one, but quite upset to discover that the door lock was not working. No toilet paper too. Even more upset when I realise this cubicle is meant for the handicapped... (!!!) No janitor was around for any complaints to be made.

I mean, there should be a minimum standard for this, right? For me, it was easy, I could exit and head straight for the next loo on another storey. Indeed, for anyone's crucial moment, that person would be thankful for a functioning toilet. All the more so when it is a handicapped's toilet, right?


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What kind of Quota (to last a day)?

Lately the kind of advice one gets, seem to be along the lines of -


Have a substantial breakfast, an okay lunch and little dinner.

Mine is a complete reversal; no breakfast or just a glass of something coupled with some biscuits or eggs, a full lunch, followed by a heavy heavy dinner. If I feel a bit guilty, I will add one fruit after dinner. I generally enjoy vegetables more than meat, so I consider my intake to be fairly healthy, though I am not sure about the quantity. I like to indulge in a good dinner (mostly with my favourite food) to reward myself after a day's ups and downs. And in case I ran out of food in my fridge, I can depend on my body's reserve to keep me going (burn whatever fats you've there!).

Next week, I am going to give a run on the supposedly heathier option: the former. The hidden agenda is that a substantial breakfast will help kickstart your system (great!), breakdown more of your intake rather than to conserve them in your body (even better!). Next thing is to shave off the extra pounds on my lunch and dinner. And my body will have less to digest while I am sleeping (fantastic!). Then... ho ho ho... I don't even need to enforce routine exercise (heaven!). Idealistic projection: a resultant weight loss or simply maintain my weight (happy me!). :)

Wish me luck!!!

Simplicity in its Brown Suit

LOVE is ...

... in the

... AIR......

CHOCOLATE is in my MOUTH...slurp!





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Gender Quotes

"Wal boonal mayor ni (not speaking in his native language)"

(Female not sure if Male understands the seriousness of what he is saying)

"... Thank you..."

"Hea... Is that all you can say??"

(Disappointment/dismay?)

(Smile. I wish you meant what you have just said. Please tell me more. If only there's just the two of us in the room, even though what you've just said is comprehensible by 2 other more people, non-comprehensible by 4 other more people here with us. Feeling dismay too)

"... ..."

-Language of male and female,

forever the mystery of the other gender...

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Love from Cat and Yours Truly :)

In grand or small-scale anticipation of the V Day next week, a h-u-g from me :) , and a cuddly r-o-l-l-o-v-e-r from my Cat :)


Whether you are single, or coupled with your honey... To all fellow Bloggers here, hope everyone will have a lovely and blessed day :)

V Day is a Friendship Day too! Love Ya!!

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Big Bully vs Little Bully

There is a bully in everyone of us. Sometimes we flash it, sometimes we don't.

At a gathering, there were about 5 children, from 6months old to 4.5 years old. We watched in horror as three of the older ones were running around, laughing and ramming into the path of a 1.5 years old toddler who was still very unsteady in his walk.

We got him out of the play zone of the older children and put him together with the adults and the 6 months old who was resting on a soft mattress on the floor. He approached the little one and stroked his cheek uncertainly. Then he proceeded to apply more strength and grabbed the cheek.

There's a little smile.

Talk about mild bully instinct and try-outs :P We are still practising it at our ridiculous age.

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Baby of _My _Very _Own

Wonder if it's purely a woman's inclination? Or men do think about it at different points of their life too?


We are by birth equipped with almost all the things necessary to produce a child. What we lack of is a sperm. I will probably be hated for saying this, but we can, technically speaking, have our very own child if we want to.

This is probably why thoughts such as this crossed my mind in my early 20s when I was plagued by realities of poor availability of suitable boyfriends. This is also heightened by the great possibility of being left on the shelf, if there is really, eventually, no boys whom I like and who loves me too.

Of course during puberty, I used to argue why am I in the gender group chosen to be the ones to go through pain, and to be the ones screaming in the labour ward. Why am I not a guy? Now I think differently. I have a choice while guys don't. I do not know how guys think of this, or if it ever is one of the more important things on their mind.

In my mid 20s, I stopped searching for boyfriends. Partners are sad to say temporary; any one partner can choose to walk out of a marriage at any time. Instead, I find security in keeping a lookout for suitable donors. I do want a child of my very own.

Currently in my very early 30s, I am in a heavy dilemma of putting the plan into action, or wait another few more years. I am also disturbed that I could be asking for more than I can handle. Afterall, it is a human life we are committing ourselves into. I don't want my kid to be upset with me for not providing a complete family to him/her. I don't want to destroy anybody's life too just because of my own selfishness. Yet, as I approach mid 30s in another few more years, I struggle between my wants and the time that is slipping by. My biological clock can't wait, and that's true.


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S N A I L C R A W L

s. t. r. u. g. g. l. i. n. g. c. r. a. w. l. , . , .

It's a drrrraaaaaagggggg across my physical being, across my computer hardware/web traffic, across my spinning head...

Have been having backache for the past week, followed ruthlessly by a headache, and then aggravated coldheartedly by the slowness of web traffic somehow. My back is still groaning while I am sitting down; shifting my posture constantly to find a more restful position for my poor back. It's definitely looking forward to Friday when the new divan bed is to be delivered.

Now whatever position I sleep in seems to be wrong. It's although I have not taught myself how to lay after all these years. It's horrible when I have to turn in bed every few minutes because of my hurting back.

I am going to tuck my beloved moo-moo cow sofa-bed somewhere else and learn the reality that it's a dual-purpose item; never to be indulged too long in any one of it's due purposes.

For Our Children, and Us too

Ever since Narnia hit the big screens lately, the major book stores have been filling their shelves with all other great books which we had read when we were kids. Big names like Charles Dickens, Victor Hugo, all start to introduce themselves in one big consolidated force to our dear young ones (and old ones like us too).

It's interesting to see how the children pitch these books against the other books of their contemporaries, eg Harry Potter.

Some of my peers (including myself) have been making good use of this time to purchase these books and add them to our collectibles. They will come in handy when we have our own children, and whenever we need a re-look at our perspectives... ... sometimes after having lost our ways and major directions in life.

I'm IT (Part 2)

5th beanie on the plate:
One has seen mother duck with a trail of little ducklings, mama polar bear tugging along baby cubs. How about an urbanite like me with no children yet? On my table at home and at work, one will see trails of bags (diminishing in size) tied to one another. They are not of the same pattern, neither do they have any relation to each other. What they have in common is that they belong to me and they follow me from home to office and home again.

Well, this phenomenon is only evident when I have more than one bag to carry. Hopeless as I am, I can only handle two bags at most. The big truth is, I lose things that I hold even in my hands. The one way not to lose them (apart from dumping them all in one big hugemongous bag) is to tie them together with each of their own handles. I can’t even let go when I am sitting down on the bus or train. Strange sight of a “tense” woman ;) Oh God, help this tense soul.


6th beanie on the plate:
You will find a laughable side of me that you either love or run... :D

I'm IT... (Part 1)

I'm tagged by dear ASN :) Ho ho, the condition is to spill the beans about any weirdo existent in me. They need 6 beans, so here's six to share... Do you prefer them cooked, raw, or... roasted? Just joking.


First beanie on the plate:
Do you consider weirdness a strength, or even an attractive quality? I deem weirdness as just a little something different from everyone else. This uniqueness can be a strength. It can be attractive too. There's a saying that it takes a wise person to pick the other wise person out from the crowd. So I suppose the ones who appreciates this uniqueness in me, are the ones who truly see the value of it ;)

And since it is seen as an attractive quality, I am also drawn to things/people that possess a little bit of that. Too much uniqueness can be a bit hard to swallow sometimes, and honestly, I do need some norm myself to balance ;)


2nd & 3rd beanie on the plate:
I am paranoid about knives and fire. I cook well and I like my kitchen. It's just that every cooking session is also a life-threatening one in my opinion, since I am risking my safety to stand next to the fire, plus cut up the food.

There are only 2 knives (the lesser the better) in my kitchen; 1 small blunt one and 1 big sharp one. I use the former for everything; slicing baguette, fruits, vegetable and meat (yes, meat, even though it takes ages to cut through that meat with such a little blunt knife. I won’t exchange it for any other knife). The latter is only for big items like watermelon. But still, I won't be the one using it. I will get whichever friend who happens to be around to cut big items up on my behalf. And I will be standing 2 metres away.

I have no problems with hotplates, but ever since I have a cooker which comes with 4 gas-burners and 1 electric hotplate, I am terrified of turning on the hotplate. (Please don't ask me why I had that cooker; I didn’t choose and purchase it...) My worry is that if there's gonna be any sparks produced from the electric wires below the cooker, it may start a fire that will spread if there's a leak in the adjacent gas pipes... Absolutely dangerous to me and my property! I make efforts to turn on/off the gas mains (which is located outside the apartment) each time before/after cooking. My nose smells hard in the kitchen too for any gas leak, just in case.


4th beanie on the plate:
I will never, never step out of my apartment unless I have bathed. No doubt no one is going to smell me at such close proximity, I am still obsessed about smelling good, and in case someone special do stand near enough.