Baby of _My _Very _Own
Wonder if it's purely a woman's inclination? Or men do think about it at different points of their life too?
We are by birth equipped with almost all the things necessary to produce a child. What we lack of is a sperm. I will probably be hated for saying this, but we can, technically speaking, have our very own child if we want to.
This is probably why thoughts such as this crossed my mind in my early 20s when I was plagued by realities of poor availability of suitable boyfriends. This is also heightened by the great possibility of being left on the shelf, if there is really, eventually, no boys whom I like and who loves me too.
Of course during puberty, I used to argue why am I in the gender group chosen to be the ones to go through pain, and to be the ones screaming in the labour ward. Why am I not a guy? Now I think differently. I have a choice while guys don't. I do not know how guys think of this, or if it ever is one of the more important things on their mind.
In my mid 20s, I stopped searching for boyfriends. Partners are sad to say temporary; any one partner can choose to walk out of a marriage at any time. Instead, I find security in keeping a lookout for suitable donors. I do want a child of my very own.
Currently in my very early 30s, I am in a heavy dilemma of putting the plan into action, or wait another few more years. I am also disturbed that I could be asking for more than I can handle. Afterall, it is a human life we are committing ourselves into. I don't want my kid to be upset with me for not providing a complete family to him/her. I don't want to destroy anybody's life too just because of my own selfishness. Yet, as I approach mid 30s in another few more years, I struggle between my wants and the time that is slipping by. My biological clock can't wait, and that's true.
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We are by birth equipped with almost all the things necessary to produce a child. What we lack of is a sperm. I will probably be hated for saying this, but we can, technically speaking, have our very own child if we want to.This is probably why thoughts such as this crossed my mind in my early 20s when I was plagued by realities of poor availability of suitable boyfriends. This is also heightened by the great possibility of being left on the shelf, if there is really, eventually, no boys whom I like and who loves me too.
Of course during puberty, I used to argue why am I in the gender group chosen to be the ones to go through pain, and to be the ones screaming in the labour ward. Why am I not a guy? Now I think differently. I have a choice while guys don't. I do not know how guys think of this, or if it ever is one of the more important things on their mind.
In my mid 20s, I stopped searching for boyfriends. Partners are sad to say temporary; any one partner can choose to walk out of a marriage at any time. Instead, I find security in keeping a lookout for suitable donors. I do want a child of my very own.
Currently in my very early 30s, I am in a heavy dilemma of putting the plan into action, or wait another few more years. I am also disturbed that I could be asking for more than I can handle. Afterall, it is a human life we are committing ourselves into. I don't want my kid to be upset with me for not providing a complete family to him/her. I don't want to destroy anybody's life too just because of my own selfishness. Yet, as I approach mid 30s in another few more years, I struggle between my wants and the time that is slipping by. My biological clock can't wait, and that's true.
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posted by Queen Bee at 4:31 PM
9 Comments:
I can easily relate to a few lines that you have written here.
Speaking from my own experience, some men (who are really serious about it) are also plagued by the unavailability of a suitable girlfriend.
I believe that women are naturally better equipped than men in several ways. Therefrom springs my immense respect for women.
But I do sense just a little bit of cynicism here, which I cannot relate to. Not all partnerships tend to be temporary.
However, I will admit that now, in my early 30s (as you say you are), I have finally stopped looking.
I guess nice guys never get the gals LOL ;)
(Smiles)
I have a friend who turned 30 and wanted a child but didn't have a suitable partner worth keeping so she was artifically inseminated. Everything turned out wonderful for her.
I always said I'd have kids and not be married.....even when I was a teenager. Weird.
Hi there...
U sound jus like a friend that I have...Who faced the same issues until recently she had adopted a beautiful baby boy...
Jus wondering...is motherhood only limited to "My Very Own"???
Hi Everyone!
@Pradeep:
Sad as it is, my cynicism comes from immense disappointments I faced after convincing myself to trust and give benefit of doubt to all living beings, especially so to the person whom I thought to be my life partner. I still hold a fear about trusting anyone at this point. Very afraid in fact. Currently even if I am privileged enough to have a partner, I will just be happy if he can stay with me all my life, and if he don't, I would say I am prepared for the bad news.
Nice guys will get the final victory, that I am sure :) Bad guys do get first admirations but they have their own problems. :) I can't tell you not to give up, given the state I am in myself. But one thing for sure is that we must be strong ourselves and treat ourselves well, very well :)
@Kimmy:
I am praying hard for a wonderful outcome. :)
@Curious:
Honestly I don't know why motherhood has turned out this way. Fatherhood is wonderful too but if I am a mother, I won't take fatherhood for granted, given that there's no way we can control another human being except ourselves.
Hi again, Queen!
After reading your explanations, I perfectly well understand your cynicism. With that, I believe that I can relate with that too.
Thank you very much for your thoughts about nice guys having the final victory. That theory always sounds good, and God knows why, one wants to believe it despite repeated disappointments.
Just a crazy thought - if all nice women were to become fearfully cynical about men in general, then nice guys will not stand even as much chance as a test-tube will.
I don't want to cry about my disappointments in your space, but it is only that some of us are being made to pay the price for what others do. Don't really know how fair that is.
hey, hmmnnn, i can relate to u in many ways here...about d boyfrnd part:)) it seems like all the good ones have become extinct!!! hahaha...ok ya. i agree why do women have to bear all d pain???
neway, i would eventually like to adopt a child if i never turn lucky!!!
Hi Hi!
@Pradeep:
"...then nice guys will not stand even as much chance as a test-tube will."
Ha Ha Oh Boy!! Maybe all the great guys have to take the donors' queue. The gals can then chat/check these great guys out. Ha Ha. I am getting hysterical again...
@Yashita:
Maybe the only time we can love a man wholeheartedly is when he's our baby... Hee....
Hi Mary, the answer is yes, I intend to ask permission from the donor. It is going to be tough because I may get rejected. It's going to get tougher as more years pass by because he may have a girlfriend, he may decide to settle down.
And this may hurt his wife-to-be... Oh boy, it sounds naive to hope that any women will be generous on this type of thing. I can't myself and I respect his/her decision. But I will still pop the question to him.
If all else fails, I may go to a sperm bank. Eventually I still hope he can grant me the permission.
Yes, u will be hearing from me soon :)
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