Get your kid to say Goodbye to their Materialistic Streak

Today I watched an episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" which had Maria Shriver and her mom, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, as guests.

At one point, Maria mention how her parents never get excited about materials/objects, but they were able to get their children to be excited about ideas. I thought that was a really great pointer, particularly in this materialistic world. How do parents veer their children away from a materialistic mindset onto something far more meaningful in life.

The Folly of Short-Cuts

Now that I am into my thirties, there comes a time when I start to realise short-circuiting may not necessarily be good. Especially in this world of speed and efficiency, that truly defies the norm. Well, it begs to have a different stand in this case.

Nowadays, we have pre-marital sex, surrogate mothers, etc...

If we look beyond the usual coaxing on what-to-dos, what-not-to-dos, there is usually something major that we missed out on. Search again, and you will know what I mean. And of course, go to the right people for advice and you will truly see the wisdom beyond :) It's just like helping the butterfly to get out of its cocoon quicker or pulling a seedling from the soil so that it seems to grow taller. We are actually not helping at all. The consequence that comes can be more costly than you imagine...

A Good Ear and A Good Mouth

Sometimes I felt that I am a horrible listener and a not very good advisor to others. I did earnestly try but somehow I just didn't seem to make it...


Today I was reading a book and there's one portion of it which is really helpful and meaningful to me :) It recommended 3 points on how to choose good advisors. To me, the points not only highlighted the pointers to be good advisors, they also reflected what good listeners do. I suppose good advisors have to be good listeners to begin with. Okay here goes:-


1) A good listener-cum-advisor asks you questions and will be happy to ask many many questions, if need be, just to draw out the real you or the issues you are concerned with.

My tendency is that I assume the issues to be the ones my friends tell me in the first few minutes. In the end, I could wind up as lost as they are (esp if they are confused in the first place), and not offering much help. Oh boy...


2) A good listener-cum-advisor shouldn't always draw things back to themselves and their own experience.

Hahaha, I am guilty of this too... okay, I should try to put their issues in context. Every context is different; what works for me might not work for my friends. I should focus on the influencing factors.


3) A good listener-cum-advisor gives their opinion only after careful consideration.

Very true... I shouldn't fall into the trap of offering some advice too hurriedly just because the situation is pressing to my friends. It might be better to spend some time digesting them fully. Good advice can come after pausing too. :)

Something is wrong with my blog lately. Either I can't publish my post or the comments cannot be updated.

Kiddy Problem

A question-mark is growing bigger and bigger in my mind lately on whether I should discuss a touchy issue with a friend. Situation is a bit precarious because it can make or break our friendship if I am not tactful enough. I was getting pretty chummy with her lately till this problem pops up -- I have a tolerance issue with her 3 year old kid...

She used to be a firm mother on discipline whenever her kid is misbehaving. But that tends to 'push' her kid to be closer to his father who is an absolutely doting father. Nothing wrong with a loving father but mother is playing the disciplinarian most of the time. Now she decided to drop her role. She would chide her kid lightly and if he continues to misbehave, she will just give in and be an all forgiving and loving mother.

Result: her kid is becoming a little terror. If he continues, I am quite sure, it will be harder and harder for the kid to comprehend and for him to get worse. By the time, she delivers her second kid, she may have problems managing a wailing baby and a kid who's perpetually trying her patience. Most friends just roll their eyes or look away whenever they can't stand her kid. A few tried to give some advice to her or take discipline into their own hands, but it's a thin line to tread on. For me, I am wondering if I should look away (like the rest of our friends do) whenever my tolerance level is bursting, or I should talk to her but risk hurting her, or I should just avoid her kid altogether.