Hello, friend!
Spoken to our dear lady, LC, whom my current partner, NTM, has been secretly having an affair with at this moment. It was surprisingly an enjoyable conversation with her.
Strange how both ladies are more ready to meet up and talk face-to-face with no-bars held. The male lead is still hiding in his hole. Sigh… Got the guts to be romantically involved with someone but no guts to admit it, confront it and face all consequences. What a joke… In the end, it’s still the ladies running the show. What an embarrassment for the man who is perpetually running away from responsibilities and problems.
In general, she is attracted to the same qualities I was previously attracted to 5 years ago. The side he presented to me was a man who was decisive, strong-willed and independent. At that time, our dear NTM was real cosy with me while telling me matter-of-factly that he is seriously wooing another lady overseas!?
I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with his relationship with this other girl then. All I knew was that she was blowing hot and cold with him. He didn’t seem to know how to solve the problems he had with her. I had a bit of soft spot for him as well as a bit of pity for him. These are EXACTLY the same emotions that are running through LC now; presently I am blowing hot and cold too, and NTM could not solve the deep-rooted problems we had in our marriage. I felt I was seeing me in her. Years ago, that was the same me!
>>>>sidetrack>>>>
For 3 years, I had been waving a red light distress flag, “honey, do you feel there is something wrong with our marriage? Why do I feel that you are not the same person I know when we were dating?”
“…” no answer. NTM swept under the carpet all the question-marks I had raised.
Second year of marriage… “honey, something is really not right.” I felt compelled to love the person I married instead of loving him naturally, you know, without using your mind to rationalize and psycho yourself, you must love, you must love...
“Accept! Maybe that’s the way I truly am. Why can’t you love me just the way I am now?”
Fume… I really don’t agree with that suggestion…
Third year of marriage…both parties start to feel the strain in the relationship.
NTM: you don’t seem to love me.
Me: (thinking) what do you expect me to say now? It has already been so long…
>>>> back>>>>
Now in retrospect, I understood what happened. The reason why all his girlfriends walked out on him is because (same reason as what I am experiencing now), there are two binary halves of NTM, completely opposite to each other.
To the TEMP person who is standing in for the person he truly loves, he is impressive. How? Here’s how:
He is a mimicker, basically setting himself to become whatever the people around him mould him to be. He will mimic their ideals, their characters, their interest, talking to them in whatever way that will impress them. He loves the company of strong-will people (because he is not one). So, with our super-power, high-performance peers, he too was strong, outstanding, individualistic.
To the person he loves almost whole-heartedly, here we have:
We are home where his daddy, mommy are, BABY-NTM surfaces. In his relaxed and true-self mode, he is actually an INdecisive person, DEpendent on his daddy (can’t seem to do anything without his daddy to help him), no opinions of his own. Well, well, well, imagine the surprise I got when I married him. Hey! Where’s the NTM that was presented to me? Did I marry a different guy? Okay, start all over, I was attracted to a strong partner but this partner seems to be underperforming…
Well, for your own good, my friend, be on the alert-mode because you could be short-changed without knowing the real NTM…Sooner or later, you will be facing the same cycle that is recurring whenever the real NTM surfaces; marriage runs into problem due to difference in expectations (or was it a deception in the first place? Before promises were made?). NTM runs to another available pair of arms, away without any attempts to solve his problems. SIGH!
Strange how both ladies are more ready to meet up and talk face-to-face with no-bars held. The male lead is still hiding in his hole. Sigh… Got the guts to be romantically involved with someone but no guts to admit it, confront it and face all consequences. What a joke… In the end, it’s still the ladies running the show. What an embarrassment for the man who is perpetually running away from responsibilities and problems.
In general, she is attracted to the same qualities I was previously attracted to 5 years ago. The side he presented to me was a man who was decisive, strong-willed and independent. At that time, our dear NTM was real cosy with me while telling me matter-of-factly that he is seriously wooing another lady overseas!?
I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with his relationship with this other girl then. All I knew was that she was blowing hot and cold with him. He didn’t seem to know how to solve the problems he had with her. I had a bit of soft spot for him as well as a bit of pity for him. These are EXACTLY the same emotions that are running through LC now; presently I am blowing hot and cold too, and NTM could not solve the deep-rooted problems we had in our marriage. I felt I was seeing me in her. Years ago, that was the same me!
>>>>sidetrack>>>>
For 3 years, I had been waving a red light distress flag, “honey, do you feel there is something wrong with our marriage? Why do I feel that you are not the same person I know when we were dating?”
“…” no answer. NTM swept under the carpet all the question-marks I had raised.
Second year of marriage… “honey, something is really not right.” I felt compelled to love the person I married instead of loving him naturally, you know, without using your mind to rationalize and psycho yourself, you must love, you must love...
“Accept! Maybe that’s the way I truly am. Why can’t you love me just the way I am now?”
Fume… I really don’t agree with that suggestion…
Third year of marriage…both parties start to feel the strain in the relationship.
NTM: you don’t seem to love me.
Me: (thinking) what do you expect me to say now? It has already been so long…
>>>> back>>>>
Now in retrospect, I understood what happened. The reason why all his girlfriends walked out on him is because (same reason as what I am experiencing now), there are two binary halves of NTM, completely opposite to each other.
To the TEMP person who is standing in for the person he truly loves, he is impressive. How? Here’s how:
He is a mimicker, basically setting himself to become whatever the people around him mould him to be. He will mimic their ideals, their characters, their interest, talking to them in whatever way that will impress them. He loves the company of strong-will people (because he is not one). So, with our super-power, high-performance peers, he too was strong, outstanding, individualistic.
To the person he loves almost whole-heartedly, here we have:
We are home where his daddy, mommy are, BABY-NTM surfaces. In his relaxed and true-self mode, he is actually an INdecisive person, DEpendent on his daddy (can’t seem to do anything without his daddy to help him), no opinions of his own. Well, well, well, imagine the surprise I got when I married him. Hey! Where’s the NTM that was presented to me? Did I marry a different guy? Okay, start all over, I was attracted to a strong partner but this partner seems to be underperforming…
Well, for your own good, my friend, be on the alert-mode because you could be short-changed without knowing the real NTM…Sooner or later, you will be facing the same cycle that is recurring whenever the real NTM surfaces; marriage runs into problem due to difference in expectations (or was it a deception in the first place? Before promises were made?). NTM runs to another available pair of arms, away without any attempts to solve his problems. SIGH!
posted by Queen Bee at 7:17 PM
2 Comments:
You couldnt have put it more succinctly. I agree whole heartedly. See, everyone is schizophrenic. I highly recommend everyone to have a live in relationship with their mates before getting married. Unless u see the person scratch nose, ass, early morning blues or reds, his / her whole habits, you REALLY dont know ur mate. The person whom you meet out, the person whom you dated, the person who wooed you is totally different from the person who marries you. Everything changes cause the chase is no longer there. You have to live in with that person to see if the excitement is still present, if the meter is static of dynamic. So in a way, life has offered ye a second chance. Next time you know wot to do...Gerrrrrrrrrronimo
:)
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